Things and PS Pinot Noir

I love my new shift. I actually have time to have a social life. A lot of the time I choose not to participate but it sure is nice to have the ability to do something if I wanna. Smiles.

Chloe is getting on well with Kara and Yoshi. They all cuddle. It's ridiculously adorable. I couldn't have gotten a better addition to the household. I didn't exactly want/need another animal but I'm happy Chloe is here.

Yoshi got sick a couple weeks ago. It was super scary because the vet thought he might have Leukemia (which would mean a short life-span and that my other cats would have it, too). I spent fifteen minutes holding my limp cat in the waiting room, him cuddling in my arms. I was crying the whole time I waited. He and Kara are my best friends. Without them, I dunno where I would be right now. It sounds stupid; but I digress...

Boy was that an expensive vet bill. I don't know how I'm able to handle everything by myself, honestly. I think the universe is treating me very well and I am very lucky to have what I do.

Hrm. Positive stuff. Uhm. My dogs are absolutely huuuuge. They grew again. It was completely random and I'm not exactly sure when it happened but I just so happened to notice the other day. Lycan is a big ol' fucking thing and Leeloo got taller. Crazy. Leeloo is also turning the water on outside, again. I caught her doing it just a minute ago. Smart fucking dog. My utility bill is suffering and she is wasting water. But, at the same time, I'm kind of proud of her for being so resourceful. It's sometimes so fucking cold outside that I don't give them water like I should and she sorta solved my problem. lol

My hair is finally growing out. Yea! Yoshi scratched up my stomach super bad the other day, though. I was giving him his medicine and he got me with his back feet. It looks like I had my appendix taken out or something. There's this huge scratch right through the tattoo on my stomach. Ouchie.

I'm reading "The Lovely Bones" and I absolutely love love love it. It's beautiful.

I don't know what else to say so Ima go read some more of my book and drink a lil more wine until I pass out (which will prolly be very soon).

Insight

All of a sudden, you're everywhere. The universe keeps leaving little hints that you're missing from my world and that you were even in it. For so long, I started to forget you existed. And now, you're everywhere. I can't say that I miss you, really. But these reminders of you are trying to make me miss you. I'm afraid that it's starting to wear me down. I don't know how much longer I can hold it off. I wouldn't be able to go through it all, again. It took me a couple of months to scab over and I'm trying not to pick at it. The love I had for you was a love I won't share again for a long time. I've built this wall of protection in my desperate months of healing. You took part of me with you when you left the way you did. You stole that innocent part of me that had the capacity to be romantic and playful and soft. This time next year I imagine I will have gotten that part of me back; but these constant reminders are slowing down the healing process. If I'm being true to myself, if you realized your mistake and regretted leaving and somehow grew the courage to contact me with this regret, I think it would make an amazing relationship. I have come to learn what I need to do differently in any relationship I have. Things probably aren't that simple, though. So, I will continue moving on and ignoring these reminders until I get back to the place I was at, where you never existed. Right now, I'm vulnerable again for the first time in months. Maybe, the things I lost are coming back to me. I need to take a different road so I don't miss out on getting them back.